you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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