That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
