Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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