The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
