Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
