TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
