I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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