I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
