Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
