I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
