I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
