if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
