So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
