True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
