would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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