Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
