I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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