Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
