i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
