I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
