i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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