So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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