at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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