I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
