Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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