i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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