she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
