We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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