I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
