I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
