I want to have your abortion
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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