God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
