I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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