I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
