u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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