If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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