For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
