shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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