I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
