I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
