Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
