if only i could text you this smell
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
