I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
