Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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