Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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