Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
