The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
