just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
