the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
