Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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