I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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