remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
