SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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