To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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