"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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