I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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