No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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