shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize