I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
