I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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