Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
