he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
