do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
