I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sorry about my life...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
