is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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