after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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