I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
