New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
