i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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