love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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