Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
