wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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